i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
