We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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