She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
