i love accidental penises.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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