He disabled his match.com account in front of me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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