I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You were trust falling into bushes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
