i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
