I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
