Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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