If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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