Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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