I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
