I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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