So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
