Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
