My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
