he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize