I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
MIDGETS
????
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
