Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
