The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well you can't waste a boner
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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