I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
