I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
