just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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