So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
