Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
