Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
