she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
