is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
