the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
