kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
