Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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