oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
