I'm jealous of your bromance
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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