I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it because I queefed?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
