One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My ass is underappreciated
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
