ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
