dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
