I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We are two peas in an std pod
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
