I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
