I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize