It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
