Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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