I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize