Someone shit on the floor
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
