I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
