I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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