is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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