U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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