Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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