made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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