Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
