Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize