Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
