I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
