She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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