why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
