Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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