my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
