he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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