and my herpes radar will keep us safe
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
smell my finger.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
