this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
