I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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