The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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