do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish I only lived at night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
