when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
