He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
