he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
