omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
