I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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