Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
