i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
