they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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