We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
