not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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