Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
