My room smells like vodka and shame
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
