His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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