the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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